If you think pregnancy is tough, child rearing is tougher. Protecting your relationship with your husband amidst growing your child/children, handling a home, and the ever growing family drama is the toughest. The time for yourself, that doesn’t exist in this real world! Let’s face it.
These are 5 important lessons that I learned as a mother to a toddler. It took me almost 3.5 years to understand so much about motherhood and life, in genreral.
My Lovely Family
Imagine when your 3 year old wants to lie on your arm the whole night! My husband used to do that with his father, now my daughter does that to me. Call it, in the genes! Well, the advice I got from different people!
Mom: That’s too tiring, but if the child needs it then you have to do it.
*Oh, my poor mommy, always sharing the good advice, so I make her sing the song while my daughter goes to sleep.*😆
Dad: Oh, that’s how she naps with me, but when she is fast asleep, I lay her down. You can do that too, haven’t we cared for you guys as kids.
*Well, I don’t remember sleeping on your hands dad* 🙄 But, I remember my little monkey sister jumping right on him the moment he steps in from work. 😆 As a child I felt, he was being partial, now as a parent I feel he hardly had time for partiality. All he would have ever thought was damn, I’m exhausted, or let me wait it out, the monkey would jump down quickly.
Sister: Hey such a cute baby and you can’t even do this for your child!*Me makes her put the baby to sleep – she runs off to work!*
Mother-in-law: If the child needs it then you need to do it. I used to do so much….. in such tough conditions… Blah blah blah
*I’m living with the brat you raised! Not many complaints, but I don’t want to listen to that story all over again!*
Father-in-law: That’s how your husband slept on my hand. I never complained.
*I will also not complain if your granddaughter sleeps in your son’s hand or even in yours!*
Husband: *convinces the daughter to shift to his hand and give my poor hands some rest.*
At other times, what can I say she prefers you!
*Goes back to watching Netflix wearing ANC headphones!*
Truth Bombs From Pregnancy
I attended a paid yoga session during my pregnancy. I realize the worthiness of the session as a growing mother. Even though I felt it was overrated back then, now 3.5 years after delivery, I realize why they charged me. Some of the best truth bombs were shared in that session. However, it took me so long to understand those basics!
5 Important Lessons I learned as a Mother
These are the 5 important lessons for every mother are the ones that I learned in that session. It is for every woman out there. It took me a few years to realize the greatness in these lessons as a mother. Hence, sharing it with you today as I understand in depth about each one of them. I really hope you find them useful.
1. When pregnant a woman is pampered, she gets what she wants and is in the limelight for almost all the 9 months. The moment she delivers the baby, every bit of attention shifts to the baby. This leads to postpartum depression.
The mind puts her into this vicious cycle and makes her feel that she was pampered for the well-being of the baby! Our overall sense of self gets lost in the transition to motherhood. The freshness is overwhelming and too much information crowds our minds. Constantly being questioned and advices, changes your mindset! Take the time to heal yourself!
The changes in our body that we still cannot cope up with, the overall emotional drain, the forever lost sleep, it’s all a decline in our overall health. Here are a few eye rolling constants that you hear for the rest of the life!
- Did you eat, you need to feed the baby!
- Sleep while the baby rests, you’re not going to get a minute break after that (mom)
- Get your work done while your baby naps, you’re not going to get a minute break after that (mom after 5 months)
- Looks like you are with the baby all the time! (Crappy people)
The entire world goes around the baby, asks and does everything the baby wants. There is literally no one to ask what you want. That is the moment you realize whether you’ve made the right choice in your marriage. The only person who really cares about you and misses your company just as much as you do is your husband.
Still, he’s the only person who might bring that glass of water even though he complains that you’re with the child all the time. He could very well bring it without that bit of talking, but what to do, he picks the vibes around quickly!
2. It might look like you’re spending a lot of time with your child all day. People might call you lazy, some might say you are incapable, you don’t really know how to handle a house because it’s messy all the time.
The first two years every house must be messy that’s where the learning for the child and the mother happens. If some people don’t understand it, let them be, happy children come from happy mothers, not just a clean home.
Clean homes come gradually when your toddler learns to clean with you. The people who called you lazy and every other name will keep calling you other names now, so never bother about them.
Remember you are investing time with your growing child, by being with her, you’re learning as much as your child is. Take two minutes off the chores to enjoy that moment with your child. Your entire family might call you crazy, but your child will appreciate it. These are the times you will be happy about later in life.
3. Most elders will say don’t lift your child often when she’s crying, she might get used to being carried all the time. So what can you do to the crying baby? I know no one told you that.
A crying baby needs your attention, your care. The baby might be hungry, or needs a diaper change, or just a cuddle. Babies cry for everything, that’s their only means of communication initially. Ignoring that cry is not the right thing to do.
Instead, sit down and spend a couple of minutes with your baby. You’ll start figuring out what the baby needs as you listen to them. Your listening honestly starts in observing the child when they cannot utter a word.
Babies are attention seekers and it’s common. Never ignore a baby for the neverending chores. Few minutes of break is definitely refreshing. Sometimes the breaks extend to half an hour or even an hour. The meal plan could be amiss or you’re emotionally drained. Anything is possible with a child in hand.
If you have a supportive husband or a family, give the baby to them and take a break. Even a 5 minute break can do you a lot of good. That’d mostly be your loo break and sometimes you might enjoy a couple of extra minutes there.
If you do not as yet have a supportive partner or family, take the child to the loo, just ask the child to turn around, they must still know it’s a private space! Use a sling or a chair as needed, so the baby is with you and you can still get the work done. A win-win for both of you for learning to coexist 😁
3. The one thing I learned during my pregnancy was spending time for myself. I was lucky enough to get some good chunks of time for myself during my pregnancy. Even though I received a lot of complaints that I did not eat well, not did I spend any time doing house chores, I took a lot of alone time and did absolutely nothing.
The one thing I learned after delivery was to focus on my personal health at all times. People might ask you to take your child to the doctor for that regular fever, but wouldn’t allow you to get yourself checked.
To me, that looks like eons now. Still, that was possible just 4 years back in my life. Back then I couldn’t read a book during my pregnancy, now I still take a break to read a page even in the busy business of m
Neither will they pamper you, nor will they enjoy seeing you pampering yourself. That’s totally alright and common. Still, take care of yourself. Also, spending time with your child is one good way to avoid a lot of unwanted drama and people in your life. Remember you are creating moments with a little being. The child will teach you more about yourself than anyone else.
Never exercise just to keep your weight in check. Always ensure how free your mind is when you perform some activities that rejuvenates you! Spend that time for yourself on any form of physical activity. At times, it is climbing up and down the stairs almost 10 times with your preschooler. Still, consider your exercise done for the day and she helped you do it.
If you have some real friends, catch up with them! You might not be able to go out, but they are just a text message away or a phone call away!! Just cherish your girls! They might do you a lot good than anyone else in the whole world!
4. Always narrate the time spent with your child to your husband. The first way to involve your husband in taking care of the child is by making the child interact with him on a regular basis. Bring the bond, build the bond and see it grow. In fact, men are the most affectionate creatures when it comes to children.
Involving them into parenting is the key. Elders might complaint that they never asked their counterparts to do this, but don’t compromise on your little family. Remember, you are building a family of your own now! If you want it to grow beautifully, you must be willing to protect it when needed!
I realized this late, but happy that I understood it at least now. Spend 10 minutes with your partner every day sharing some of the lovely moments that belongs just to the both of you. That’s not selfish, it makes both really understand that you cherish time together and all the while you were making memories. You miss those times just as much as he does!
A child is an addition to your family, but the relationship with your husband keeps everything else going. Gradually, you would also learn to pick your battles. I realized that arguing about certain things was totally unnecessary since it ruined our relationship.
The essence of our marriage, the purpose of our relationship went missing due to too much intervention. Similarly, you will soon realize you are in a loop hole of blame game.
Set both your families aside, they can solve those problems on their own, your help might be needed, but remember what needs more help. Your relationship with your partner requires peace and company, that happens only when your minds are free from drama. So, be willing to protect your relationship with your partner.
Let your partner handle his family, and you handle your family, always! No advice, unless asked on both sides. These I realize are basic marriage rules that not many parents share until you realize it on your own. 😆
5. How you grow up your child is completely the responsibility of the mother! Whether you’re working or staying at home, this responsibility is your pride. Do what’s needed! Do good for your child, not the best!
When someone suggests you something, don’t take it blindly. Think about their experience, think twice if they follow it/ followed it! Not every advice needs to be taken and followed. Take no bullshit from people!
If you have to think about spending time with your child over talking an unnecessary conversation over the phone, choose the former. That’s rewarding, engaging and mindful!
When it comes to handling the child, learn to handle better. We keep learning with our experience. We might have yelled one day and realized the next that it wasn’t really the child’s mistake, it was because of something that was going within us.
So, become more aware and learn to forgive. It heals you a lot, sometimes we shout because we have not healed or we do not have any idea how to handle that situation. That’s alright, your child teaches you unconditional love and forgiveness.
As women we go through a lot of changes! We question ourselves more than anyone else. These 5 important lessons I learned as a mother will help every mother. These 5 points might give you some insight about your life right now. Let’s rock and roll in this life!